How many of you were told at one time or another in your youth that your favorite pet, relative, or even play-mate has departed from your midst to “go to the farm”? Only to find out in later years that “the farm” as they called it was not all you had it cracked up to be? Or was it? This is the question I’m left pondering on a significantly deeper scale as I consider a dream I had this past weekend concerning my mother.
First off, let me say I embark on this description of my dream-state experience not to provoke any heated discussions of “after-life” or the varied religious beliefs that typically accompany such a topic, but simply to share with you the experience itself. As this blog is intended to discuss all things related to my mother I thought her unique appearance in my dream a fitting topic.
So, sleeping peacefully on a Saturday night my thoughts turned to a setting of a farm. Now the drought conditions in Texas this summer have reached some pretty serious levels and I’ve been watching all forms of vegetation and life bake in the 100+ degree weather we’ve had for the last 3 months or so and this was reflected in my dream. The farm was dry and rather desolate. I found myself walking along the main road away from a small farm house along a wire fence. Suddenly a panther approached from the other side of the fence. I looked down and I had a garden hose that I understood was my means of defense. I shot a fast stream of water at the large and very fierce looking cat that retreated immediately. I then begin to walk back to the house, hose in hand. As I did so I began to notice several smaller, less fierce animals approach the other side of the fence looking longingly at the hose. So I stopped and gave them a drink. Each animal took the hose and greedily lapped up the water. These were animals that didn’t really go together. A chimpanzee, a fox, a raccoon, a deer, some birds both flying and flightless, a small group of grazing animals that looked to be of African origin. All perfectly content to take a turn at the hose I was holding.
Suddenly my mother was at my side walking down the rode with me as I was finishing watering the animals. We begin to discuss what I was doing and then it dawned on me that I was really taking to my mother. I begin to cry and ask her why she had to go, why she’d left me. She calmly explained that this was the way it had to be and that it was just her time to go. She said several times that she was fine and that everything is alright. There’s nothing to get upset about, everything is fine.
It was at this point I realized that I was not talking to the frail and feeble woman that had left me on August 1st, 2011, but a strong, healthy and whole version of my mother from possibly 5 years prior. She was beautiful and was even wearing a favorite outfit, purple (maybe black) jeans, tennis shoes, a t-shirt and her favorite red Hawaiian shirt as an over-shirt. She looked great! Her voice was strong and clear, clearer then it has been in any dream I’ve had of her since her passing. She had control of her response and actions and was decisive in her diction and tone, more so then I had seen her be in some time.
As I realized this I stopped crying and began to believe that she was right, everything was alright and that she really was fine. As this new realization dawned on me a flood of curious questions came to me. “How are you doing?” “What are you doing?” “Where did you go?” “What’s it like where you are?” Etc. I never got to ask them. It was as if someone had hit the pause button on this dream and suddenly I could see myself sleeping. I was conscious of my surroundings but for just a moment not able to wake. Just to watch myself sleep. Then I woke up.
The meaning of this dream? Well some might say it’s obvious. Some might say I’ve been under a lot of stress lately. And others might find deeper meaning yet. At any rate, I’ll just say I had to add a little Vodka to my OJ on Sunday morning!
